The tunes of a flute at a distance
The colorful falling leaves of Autumn in North Carolina
The spread out plumage of a peacock on a cloudy day during a Rajasthan trip
Home made chocolates in a steel tiffin box
Old greeting cards accumulated for years stored in cabinets covered with cobwebs
Moonlight on a narrow stretch of road
A real white pearl in an oyster fresh from the ocean
Color pencils and plain paper scattered on a table with a yellow mug of hot chocolate
Grandmom's hand on the forehead during high fever
A chubby little baby girl sleeping in the pram, her blonde hair tied in a pink ribbon
A book fair of used books.. books with rusty pages and personal messages
Drive through a forest with the sound of running water at a distance
Walking on dew laden grass at dawn
A sparrow family's daily activities at their nest on a branch right next to my window by my study table
An old teacher who taught me, recognizing and smiling
The tough problem solved after a struggle during a night out before board exams
The smell of wet earth
A room full of antiques in the attic
The open window of a candle lit mud hut where there is no electricity and darkness all around
A folk dance by women in the interiors of a north-east Indian state
A field of wild flowers under the open sky
--- I have been in this extreme negative mood for the past few days. Don't know why...... whatever I was thinking of was dark and claustrophobic. Needed a breath of fresh air. Since it is 90 degrees outside, even that is unobtainable. So decided to recapture random images from the past that have left a permanent impression.
........
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
.........
- William Wordsworth
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
The Known Stranger
I decided to shift my fictional stuff to this new blog....cos it was coming in the way of my regular thoughts.
The Known Stranger
The Known Stranger
Friday, July 21, 2006
To-do's off my to-do list
On a regular basis I keep a check on what I am doing by following the to-do's scribbled on the post-it software on my desktop. I could categorize them as follows:
Functional: Mostly work related. Like make so and so changes to the code, document something, follow up on something etc
Behavorial: Say a thank you every night before sleeping, stop reading news and blogs, stop chewing the pen, don't eat dessert or chocolates etc
Weekend errands: Do laundry, pay electricity bill, lodge a complaint with the apartment office regarding the clogging etc
List of things: Could be movies to watch, books to read, stuff to buy
Calls and emails: I am bad at returning calls, checking voicemail and replying to emails. So the to-dos on this list reduces at snail's pace.
Must-do's: Things from various lists which have been carried over for too long and now need to be done by hook or by crook!
So yesterday my must-do's list was so long and I was so flustered that I erased everything and wrote KILL MYSELF!!!
Finally I shut down the post-it software and went to sleep. After being bothered by some to-do's and their related consequences all meddled up in one helluva dream-nightmare cocktail, I woke up feeling happy today, surprisingly. On my drive to work I made up my mind to do things completely off my to-do list. And trust me I felt so good. I randomly picked up stuff to do. Splurged on downloading music and listened to it all day. Ate baklava without feeling guilty. Browsed all the news and blogs I had to catch up on. And also completed a lot of the boring stuff like documentation and commenting the code that I had been postponing. Didn't mind staying at work till 10:30 in the night and driving back without traffic.
And to add icing to the cake I did some soul enriching stuff after I reached home too rather than the drab tv watching, cooking, cleaning and doing the dishes (I hate doing dishes!!).
Read this: Hell-Heaven
(One of Jhumpa Lahiri's short stories not included in Interpreter of Maladies, I happened to stumble upon)
I fell in love with Lahiri's style of writing the first time I read Interpreter of Maladies long back. Namesake was good too. What connects me to her, I guess, is the Bengali soul. She captures the minutest of details constructing vivid pictures that you can almost visualize. Being a Bengali adds to that experience since most of the things she talks about, you would have encountered in reality. Like the use of the phrase "Hell-Heaven difference" or things like collecting safety pins on a bangle, or the typical Bengali strict mom who warns you about your behavior in the presence of people by giving that stern look, or a tea cup being used as an ashtray or the term *boudi* which is used to address almost any married woman.
Listened to this. I think Piya tora kaisa abhiman (Shubha Mudgal and Gulzar's poetry) and Raha Dekhe are fabulous.
And read some of these. I love his simplicity. One of my favorites:
I shall go to sleep now .... hopefully the must-do's are registered in my memory, else I am in for some trouble!! :-(
Functional: Mostly work related. Like make so and so changes to the code, document something, follow up on something etc
Behavorial: Say a thank you every night before sleeping, stop reading news and blogs, stop chewing the pen, don't eat dessert or chocolates etc
Weekend errands: Do laundry, pay electricity bill, lodge a complaint with the apartment office regarding the clogging etc
List of things: Could be movies to watch, books to read, stuff to buy
Calls and emails: I am bad at returning calls, checking voicemail and replying to emails. So the to-dos on this list reduces at snail's pace.
Must-do's: Things from various lists which have been carried over for too long and now need to be done by hook or by crook!
So yesterday my must-do's list was so long and I was so flustered that I erased everything and wrote KILL MYSELF!!!
Finally I shut down the post-it software and went to sleep. After being bothered by some to-do's and their related consequences all meddled up in one helluva dream-nightmare cocktail, I woke up feeling happy today, surprisingly. On my drive to work I made up my mind to do things completely off my to-do list. And trust me I felt so good. I randomly picked up stuff to do. Splurged on downloading music and listened to it all day. Ate baklava without feeling guilty. Browsed all the news and blogs I had to catch up on. And also completed a lot of the boring stuff like documentation and commenting the code that I had been postponing. Didn't mind staying at work till 10:30 in the night and driving back without traffic.
And to add icing to the cake I did some soul enriching stuff after I reached home too rather than the drab tv watching, cooking, cleaning and doing the dishes (I hate doing dishes!!).
Read this: Hell-Heaven
(One of Jhumpa Lahiri's short stories not included in Interpreter of Maladies, I happened to stumble upon)
I fell in love with Lahiri's style of writing the first time I read Interpreter of Maladies long back. Namesake was good too. What connects me to her, I guess, is the Bengali soul. She captures the minutest of details constructing vivid pictures that you can almost visualize. Being a Bengali adds to that experience since most of the things she talks about, you would have encountered in reality. Like the use of the phrase "Hell-Heaven difference" or things like collecting safety pins on a bangle, or the typical Bengali strict mom who warns you about your behavior in the presence of people by giving that stern look, or a tea cup being used as an ashtray or the term *boudi* which is used to address almost any married woman.
Listened to this. I think Piya tora kaisa abhiman (Shubha Mudgal and Gulzar's poetry) and Raha Dekhe are fabulous.
And read some of these. I love his simplicity. One of my favorites:
| All you who sleep tonight Far from the ones you love, No hand to left or right And emptiness above - Know that you aren't alone The whole world shares your tears, Some for two nights or one, And some for all their years. Vikram Seth |
I shall go to sleep now .... hopefully the must-do's are registered in my memory, else I am in for some trouble!! :-(
Monday, July 17, 2006
Losing my religion
Recently I realized that I don't believe in religion, yeah recently. Probably because it took me some years of thoughts, deeds and experiences to come to this conclusion. But now I am crystal clear about what my take on religion is.
I believe in God but not in religion.
Reasons:
1. The entire goal of religions don't make sense to me - the goal of obtaining liberation from the cycle of life and death - moksha, nirvana whatever you want to call it. Why would I want freedom from this cycle?
This world is beautiful, life is one helluva experience. I would want to return again and again and again. Even if I have to experience pain or be born as a plant or even an amoeba I would still want to experience it because I want to breathe, I want to feel. And then I don't even know what is in store for me to stay back unattached from life, away from here. I am too patriotic an earthling to want to give life up for not living at all. What if I don't like it there and have to wait in a queue for a millenium to get back to the viscous cycle and land myself into a mother's womb??!! I would miss so much in that time and I would be a non-contributor :-( I want to be here 500 years later, 1000 years later, 10,000 years later ... till the world ends. Every time I come back I will get to be a part of a more advanced lifeform, a lifeform which has descended from me, in a place whose soil contains my blood and bones. This is where I belong. This is where I want to be. I do not wish to liberate myself from the cycle of life and death.
2. I believe in Why and not What. Every religion just lays down these set of rules and rituals you are expected to follow. I am willing to follow them but only if I know WHY.
In my opinion you need no religion to understand the difference between good and bad! And anyway good and bad are relative terms. For some religions killing an animal to eat is bad and for some slaughtering an animal to appease God is good! None of the religions I have known so far seem perfect. So I decided to create my own code of conduct by putting together values taken from different religions that make sense to me and filtering out those which don't.
For example it makes sense not to lie, to be honest and sincere, to help, to respect, to love. Things like the caste system, making materialistic offerings to God, or covering my head, or forcing others to convert to my religion etc - I strictly condemn.
It makes sense for me to offer an old person my seat or a helping hand, or adopt a less fortunate child, or plant a tree, or maybe just be honest in my daily work ....these are way way more important than visiting a temple every week and chanting mantras whose meanings I do not understand. It makes more sense to me to donate to CRY rather than a religious organization whose funds are utilized, or should I say wasted, in decorating idols with gold and silver. Cmon, God doesn't care whether you serve food to him twice a day or light incense sticks in front of him and sing hymns. You might as well have served that food to someone who doesn't get a meal. Yes, God cares if you make a mistake and apologise truthfully, or you say a thank you for the good things he has given you or do something that brings a smile on the face of someone else.
Yes, I believe in Karma.
3. So many of the problems the world is facing today is because of religion. Religion causes more tension than peace. The root problem is that every religion thinks it is supreme and demands respect. Why? What about some humility guys?
4. I condemn all so-called religious practitioners and preachers. All they want is the dough...... yeah that is the hard core truth. I don't believe they can cause any miracles. If something good has happened unexpectedly it is not a miracle or a co-incidence. It is the pre-destined path your life is following and every path has some unexpected turns! In fact this belief somehow always makes me feel optimistic about the future.
Now that I have written these down I realized that I am quite clear in my thoughts and views regarding this whole religion thing. Yeah I was in doubt, since I have grown up in quite a religious family and have never questioned the rituals done at home and I probably never will, just because it is an individual's wish what he/she wishes to follow and I respect that.
Anyway better late than never. At least now I know what to pass on to my next generations without being confused myself.
I believe in God but not in religion.
Reasons:
1. The entire goal of religions don't make sense to me - the goal of obtaining liberation from the cycle of life and death - moksha, nirvana whatever you want to call it. Why would I want freedom from this cycle?
This world is beautiful, life is one helluva experience. I would want to return again and again and again. Even if I have to experience pain or be born as a plant or even an amoeba I would still want to experience it because I want to breathe, I want to feel. And then I don't even know what is in store for me to stay back unattached from life, away from here. I am too patriotic an earthling to want to give life up for not living at all. What if I don't like it there and have to wait in a queue for a millenium to get back to the viscous cycle and land myself into a mother's womb??!! I would miss so much in that time and I would be a non-contributor :-( I want to be here 500 years later, 1000 years later, 10,000 years later ... till the world ends. Every time I come back I will get to be a part of a more advanced lifeform, a lifeform which has descended from me, in a place whose soil contains my blood and bones. This is where I belong. This is where I want to be. I do not wish to liberate myself from the cycle of life and death.
2. I believe in Why and not What. Every religion just lays down these set of rules and rituals you are expected to follow. I am willing to follow them but only if I know WHY.
In my opinion you need no religion to understand the difference between good and bad! And anyway good and bad are relative terms. For some religions killing an animal to eat is bad and for some slaughtering an animal to appease God is good! None of the religions I have known so far seem perfect. So I decided to create my own code of conduct by putting together values taken from different religions that make sense to me and filtering out those which don't.
For example it makes sense not to lie, to be honest and sincere, to help, to respect, to love. Things like the caste system, making materialistic offerings to God, or covering my head, or forcing others to convert to my religion etc - I strictly condemn.
It makes sense for me to offer an old person my seat or a helping hand, or adopt a less fortunate child, or plant a tree, or maybe just be honest in my daily work ....these are way way more important than visiting a temple every week and chanting mantras whose meanings I do not understand. It makes more sense to me to donate to CRY rather than a religious organization whose funds are utilized, or should I say wasted, in decorating idols with gold and silver. Cmon, God doesn't care whether you serve food to him twice a day or light incense sticks in front of him and sing hymns. You might as well have served that food to someone who doesn't get a meal. Yes, God cares if you make a mistake and apologise truthfully, or you say a thank you for the good things he has given you or do something that brings a smile on the face of someone else.
Yes, I believe in Karma.
3. So many of the problems the world is facing today is because of religion. Religion causes more tension than peace. The root problem is that every religion thinks it is supreme and demands respect. Why? What about some humility guys?
4. I condemn all so-called religious practitioners and preachers. All they want is the dough...... yeah that is the hard core truth. I don't believe they can cause any miracles. If something good has happened unexpectedly it is not a miracle or a co-incidence. It is the pre-destined path your life is following and every path has some unexpected turns! In fact this belief somehow always makes me feel optimistic about the future.
Now that I have written these down I realized that I am quite clear in my thoughts and views regarding this whole religion thing. Yeah I was in doubt, since I have grown up in quite a religious family and have never questioned the rituals done at home and I probably never will, just because it is an individual's wish what he/she wishes to follow and I respect that.
Anyway better late than never. At least now I know what to pass on to my next generations without being confused myself.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Stuck in a moment
So.... Italy won and Zidane ended his career with a Red Card for headbutting Materazzi...cmon headbutting??!!! ... in the last few minutes when he knew the match was heading towards penalty shoot outs. The latter apparently insulted his mother and sister which, I think, is a fair enough reason for headbutting someone in the heat of the moment. Will Zidane be stuck in that moment forever, regretting what he did? Will Materazzi be stuck in that moment feeling good about what he did, thinking to himself that maybe thats what got them the cup? Will Trezeguet be stuck in the moment in which he kicked into the crossbar and missed the goal during penalty, which cost his country the cup?
I was thinking if I have any moment in my life that I have been stuck in... a moment significant enough to remain alive and arouse the same feelings (good or bad) after an era of no relation to it. Some food for thought!
Trivia: Stuck in a moment you can't get out of was originally written by Bono (U2) about the suicide of the lead singer of INXS. Suicide is probably the worst moment one could get stuck in, its the ultimate point of no return.
While I am in this stuck-in-the-moment kind of mood, I remembered a quote: "An era of silence cannot wipe away a moment of togetherness". So true. In recent times I got in touch with a lot of old friends (courtesy social networks) and when I talked to them on the phone after ages there didn't seem to be any discontinuity in the chain of conversation. Its like picking up the thread right where we left it maybe 7 years back, doing a quick recap of what happened in the mean time and then continue the yakitty-yakking, discussing the moments that stick to us or that we stick to.
Mumbai blasts: Yet again terror struck. Yet again innocent lives were lost. Yet again people cried on losing their loved ones, unexpectedly. Yet again people got stuck in a moment forever. The moment in which the wife of a victim asked her husband to come back early by taking the train that he wouldn't have taken otherwise; the moment in which the guy who took the train just before the one that blasted, escaped death.
How many more times, *dear* terrorists? Will this really affect you in any way?.....what did you gain? Kashmir? Jehad? Or just another moment to stick to, taking pride in arousing some anger ?
I was thinking if I have any moment in my life that I have been stuck in... a moment significant enough to remain alive and arouse the same feelings (good or bad) after an era of no relation to it. Some food for thought!
Trivia: Stuck in a moment you can't get out of was originally written by Bono (U2) about the suicide of the lead singer of INXS. Suicide is probably the worst moment one could get stuck in, its the ultimate point of no return.
While I am in this stuck-in-the-moment kind of mood, I remembered a quote: "An era of silence cannot wipe away a moment of togetherness". So true. In recent times I got in touch with a lot of old friends (courtesy social networks) and when I talked to them on the phone after ages there didn't seem to be any discontinuity in the chain of conversation. Its like picking up the thread right where we left it maybe 7 years back, doing a quick recap of what happened in the mean time and then continue the yakitty-yakking, discussing the moments that stick to us or that we stick to.
Mumbai blasts: Yet again terror struck. Yet again innocent lives were lost. Yet again people cried on losing their loved ones, unexpectedly. Yet again people got stuck in a moment forever. The moment in which the wife of a victim asked her husband to come back early by taking the train that he wouldn't have taken otherwise; the moment in which the guy who took the train just before the one that blasted, escaped death.
How many more times, *dear* terrorists? Will this really affect you in any way?.....what did you gain? Kashmir? Jehad? Or just another moment to stick to, taking pride in arousing some anger ?
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Touch of Nature
To one who has been long in city pent,
'Tis very sweet to look into the fair
And open face of heaven, - to breathe a prayer
Full in the smile of the blue firmament.
~John Keats
[June - July 2006 : Deception Pass, Snoqualmie Falls, Wallace Falls, Olympics National Park, Mt.Rainier, Hurricane Ridge, Lake Chelan, Winatchee River (not in order)]
I am still mesmerized. Hard to write anything about the beauty of Mother Nature 'cause how much every I praise it, it would still be an understatement. So will leave it at Keats' words.
"In City Pent" (the excerpt above is from that poem) was one of my favorite poems in school.
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